Christianity

How can the values of Christianity be used by abusers, and how can they also be used by some to aid healing? Sophia interviews survivor and Pastor Chioma Alade, as she shares her journey with the church and teaches on what forgiveness actually means for survivors of sexual abuse.

IMPORTANT NOTE: We believe that for so many, religion has ben a powerful source of comfort, community and healing. However, we also find that institutions of religion can often interpret spiritual teachings in a way that can lead to harm, and these messages are often confused by those who engage with that religion. We hope that by sharing the thoughts of someone who experience sexual and spiritual abuse and then became a Pastor, that we can understand the nuances behind these dynamics and ultimately create survivor-centred spirituality.

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About your hosts

A short description about the episode co-hosts

Christianity & Child Sexual Abuse Podcast (Video or Audio Options)

A more in-depth podcast episode, giving context and personal stories associated with the topic.

Things you should and shouldn't say when talking about Child Sexual Abuse in a Christian Context

A short video episode, focusing on two things you should and two things you shouldn’t say to someone who has experienced (or is experiencing) child sexual abuse.

Episode transcripts

Full transcripts and subtitles are available for you to download

A Recap

A written summary of the key advice in these episodes Production Crew/ Special Thanks

Find out who worked on this episode

Additional Tips

Any additional resources mentioned are highlighted here

About your hosts

Sophia - Founder of Secrets Worth Sharing

Sophia (she/her) is a survivor of child sexual abuse, designer and the founder of Secrets Worth Sharing, where she builds a community of having these difficult conversations with 'serious joy'.

Chioma Alade - Pastor

Chioma (she/her), a British Nigerian, endured childhood physical and sexual abuse in her home and church environment. Despite this, she's spent over two decades serving in church settings, witnessing its strengths and shortcomings in safeguarding and accountability.

Christianity & Child Sexual Abuse

In-depth Podcast, 1hr 13 minutes.

Don't like watching videos? Listen on Spotify instead!

Things you Should and Shouldn't say when talking about childhood sexual abuse in a Christian Context

Practical do's and don't's episode, 24 minutes

Download the Episode Transcripts

To recap...

Things you should say/do to support your partner who experienced abuse	Why?
Offer a gentle discussion around religion, if it feels appropriate. Remind the person that spirituality is a journey and ultimately a decision to engage or not with it is totally up to them!	If relevant, you can open up the conversation to talk about religion if the survivor may find it useful and productive. Asking things like 'what has been your experience of religion and spirituality as a tool to this through?" is a more open question.
Do try to find space for peace and comfort on the journey of talking about abuse.	Peace can come in so many different ways, and as someone wanting to support a survivor, this can mean providing moments for the survivor which enable them to get through something more seamlessly. Can you cook a meal? Can you go with them to report something and provide a distraction after? Can you make decisions for them about how to travel so that they do not feel overwhelm? These are all moments of peace.
Get to know God on your own, not just through someone else's words	A religion can mean many different things to many different people. Just because someone may claim to be Christian, it is up to you to find what resonates and what doesn’t - you may both have very different definitions. Explore religion's teachings on abuse from a range of sources and perspectives, and try to remind yourself that they should all centre love and care.
Remind others, especially those in the church, that sexual abuse is not the same as a sexual experience	There can be a tendency to focus a lot on 'purity' in the church, which can feel obsessive and also punish survivors with feelings of guilt and shame that shouldn't belong to them. Survivors can choose when their ‘first time’ is, for example, nonconsensual experiences cannot be classed as a first sexual experience due to the abuse

Things you shouldn't say	Why
Don't Blame the survivor	This is common sense but avoid blaming the survivor for their abuse Challenge harmful narratives and empower the survivor
Don't use language which minimises the abuse	Avoid minimising the abuse or using victim-blaming language For example, language such as ‘affairs’ can be damaging especially when talking about cases of abuse with a minor because it implies that they were complicit and consented to what happened to them.
Don't 'just' pray	Saying something like ‘I’m praying for you’ or ‘I’m thinking of you’ can be seemingly kind, however some people may find it unhelpful if not followed through with action Chioma teaches that prayer is action. Make sure to add practical actions to the words, and give support in another tangible way, alongside prayer
Don't force forgiveness	Respect the survivor's timeline and process, forgiving people can be complicated and nuanced, so allow the survivor to take their time. As we learn from Chioma, forgiveness and reconciliation are different. Our churches should not be encouraging reconciliation with someone who has abused, especially if that still puts the survivor in harm. Forgiveness is different and is a letting go of those emotions. Also, don’t force religion on someone as part of this forgiveness journey
Don't cover up the abuse or choose to support people who want to cover up the survivor's experience	Trying to cover up abuse to 'save face' or worry about exposing the survivor to more in fact protects abusers, especially in church environments which are at risk of acting like harmful institutions. By covering up abuse, you don’t give room for people who abuse to repent and reflect for their actions.

Production Crew / Special Thanks

Editing and Subtitles - Tom Eames

Additional resources and tips

Chioma's Website

About Three-in-Ten U.S. Adults Are Now Religiously Unaffiliated | Pew Research Center

Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA) - Catholic Bishops' Conference

Statistics on child sexual abuse | NSPCC Learning (slightly updated stats as of 2024)

https://www.registeredoffenderslist.org/default.htm

Facts and Stats About Child Sexual Abuse

St. Maria Goretti Story

Isaiah 61 NIV - The Year of the LORD’s Favor - The - Bible Gateway

*Please note - in sharing resources mentioned by our co-hosts, we are not necessarily endorsing all of their content, but we do so to allow you to make up your own mind.